The Future is Now is the Past

What if you pressed fast forward on your dvd, and you saw it squizzle by at high speed for a while, and you pressed play again, and you saw the exact same things happening on screen as were happening before you even pressed fast forward?

WELCOME BACK TO THIS BLOG.

First off, I don't even remember creating this blogger account, but I came here to make one and saw that it instantly logged into my old one. Hmmm, that's strange. What did I post?

OH! JUST THE SAME THING I COULD POST RIGHT NOW, EXCEPT IM LIKE THIRTY POUNDS HEAVIER.

Okay, so let's start over.

I'm going to start detailing what I eat (accountability), make up characters to match the food I ate, and post as that person (comedy? tragedy?), and photograph the food (art! just kidding. just self torture). Maybe having it seem more fun/silly will keep me interested, and on the off chance any of this works or makes me sick, I will have dutifully logged my food intake, so I can recount it tearfully to doctors or bark it braggadociously to all of the interwebs and market some lame SECRET WEIGHT LOSS TIPS THEY DIDNT WANT US TO KNOW ABOUT money making ponzi scheme so that I can become independently wealthy.

What is life.

I wish I could just be happy with having gotten so fat. But alas, I also have a lot of digestive problems, so fuck that.

Here we go. Gonna try to start in the morning.

Comments

I Deserve a Cookie. Wait.

A haiku: Two days gluten free. I dream of breakfast pastries; Do donuts miss me? Honestly, it hasn't been that bad. I have actually made it through 48 hours without gluten, and if you think that sounds simple, that just tells me (1) you're allowed to have it and (2) you've never tried cutting it as a lifestyle. We started out bad (well, "bad") as the weekend came to an end, deciding to go ahead and have a "cheat" day on Sunday. Shasta D Zasta and I both had the day off from work, allowing us to go to the grocery store for veggies to prep food again. "Cheating" in this case meant spending money to eat outside of our home, rather than eating unhealthy food, though the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive concepts. I had not yet had even one full day of cutting gluten, and the boys were going on about Steak N Shake or Firehouse Subs, and I knew they were going to eat there. There was no way I was going to sit and watch ...

Off the Veggie Cart and Into the Mud (Pie)

Ooooookay. So for two days, I've been immaculate. Low calories. Lots of freshly juiced veggies and fruit. No soda. A veritable river of fresh water imbibed. And then tonight after picking Son up from his show, we drove through Jack in the Box. And I ordered ten of everything they ever thought about making, and also two Monster tacos, and what's that? Now you have Reese's peanut butter dream pie? Sure, no prob, I'll just wash that down with ALL OF THE COKE YOU HAVE IN THAT MACHINE. I shit you not. (fighting... urge... to make... joke about shit... after eating all that... k. I'm good.) So yeah. I'm super disappointed and frustrated. What the hell is wrong with me? I didn't even feel deprived while I was doing the "right" things, so it isn't that, I don't think. Stress, maybe, about the flight I have to catch in five hours. Travel is stressful, and this time in particular is worse, since I'll have to see my mother. ...

What Do They Say is Paved With Good Intentions, Again?

DAY ONE. I am 5'8. I weigh 218 lbs. I am considered obese. I see pictures of myself seated and I am horrified. I am nice and funny and reasonably smart... and fat. Having spent all of my youth underweight and struggling to keep fat on my bones, I now can't shake it. Bizarrely, I still think of myself as fairly thin or average, and when I see these photos, I am shocked and dismayed. I despair at the cute clothes staring at me from my closet, clothes that no longer fit me. It's a long road, and I know, I know, I know that I have to think of these changes as a lifestyle rather than focusing on it as a weight loss project. Sure. Fine. Sign me up for a new healthy lifestyle, but can we get to the part where I feel cute in little dresses again? Hold on. I'm going to call my son in here and ask him to take my picture. I'm currently slumped over my laptop on a bed, with a gross tshirt on, my hair ends coated in conditioner, greasy-faced and de...

Superbunny Wins Again!

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